Home Grown Produce!

Today after church we visited the local greenhouse, picked up seeds and plunged them, scattered them and placed them by 3's into our new garden plot. I mapped it out and Curt staked everything we've put in so far. We still have some pumpkin, sunflowers, squash, beans, peas, sweet peas and the tomatos to get in but we need to fix supports for some of those things so they will go in early this next week....Well, the tomatoes will have to wait maybe a little longer if i want them to actually live. When I'm fairly sure this Alberta weather won't get the best of them I'll cage them in too. So excited to see how this soil works for us. This is our first garden on this land. Curt is crazy about corn and potatos so he did row after row of that. I am planning on canning again this year so have planned out lots of tomatos, cucumbers, dill, and carrots. I crave beets all the time so there's tonnes of that too. We usually pick lots of what we *know* works and that we know we like and then i splurge the extra 2$ on a "lottery" type item. This year it's multi-colored peppers. I'm pretty sure they will not have time to mature... but the fun is in trying sometimes. I'm planning on tumbler tomatos on the south deck so i think I'll plunk my peppers out there too and see what happens. It feels like so long since we have done this and we're both so excited about it this year. We're planning that the kids will be helping out and I'm sure they'll learn a lot that way. Maybe Sadie will eat more if she is part of the process of growing the food too. Still trying to chub that girl up!

Happy Moo-thers' Day

For a couple years now I have been asking the relatives to phone me when one of their cows is calving. I'd never seen that before and I thought my kids might like to see it too. Tonight, on our way home from a birthday party we got a call from Curt's cousin Jeff to get over to their barn as they had a mama who needed some help birthing. The waters were stained and they were going to pull the babe. We were just passing Curt's other cousins' farm only a mile away so turned around and made a B-line for the barn. By the time we arrived, Jeff was up to his shoulder in (*ahem*) cow, and was looping a slip knot over the front hooves of the calf. My kids stood and stared. Curt started to narrate: "Now kids, this is JUST EXACTLY how mom had you guys." Yeah right. Thank goodness NOT!! Jeff started to pull. Much gore began to emerge. Sadie was a few feet away from the action on the other side of the metal fence and as soon as the hoof emerged cooed "awwwwwww! cuuuuute" (haa haa!) Then the cow let loose with what i thought was amniotic fluid.
me:"Back up kids, so you don't get splashed with amniotic fluid...Is it usually that color?"
jeff:"Umm, Yeah, that's not amniotic fluid."
me:"Oh."
kids:"What IS it??"
... you get the gist of the "details"... i won't go any further.
Jeff's dad came in and directed the kids to get right in the pen as fast as possible so they could get a front row seat for the actual "birth". We were only there about 2 minutes when the calf came catapulting out and sliding across the floor only inches away from our feet. I'm glad i didn't wear flip flops! We got out of the way for the mama and the baby to be brought out into the open pen. The mama followed Jeff who carried the babe. She was POURING milk out of her one good teat. (three of them are useless) It was like she was blind to the rest of us as she focused in on her little one to lick it clean. All the while, her milk continued to pour. I know that feeling. Sometimes just thinking about my tender babies causes "let down" Amazing to see that in an animal. Amazing. Suddenly she noticed us. She turned fierce and threatening. We went from "Awww to AAAAHHH!" and exited in a timely fashion to the opposite side of the fence. Birth, no matter how sterile or how non-sterile, human, or animal...is shockingly mysterious and miraculous. God is interesting...the way He has created *life* is interesting...Makes me wonder about Him to see that tonight.

Live like you were dyin'...with your hair?: Perms and Pixies

Yesterday i had booked a hair appointment. Throughout my childhood and teens I was the kind of girl to grow my hair long and then chop it off, perm it up, dye it whitey-yellow or maroon or whatever color happened to appear when the dye was washed out. Sometimes i still get restless for a change. It's harder to go out and "get it done" and I'm not brave enough to do it myself like we used to growing up. I wrote an e-mail to my mom that went something like this: "I'm getting a perm. I know, I know, "don't do it..." I'm going to. I need a change even if it's a bad one." As i drove to the salon i felt reckless. The Tim McGraw song "Live like you were dyin'" Was twirling around in my head. I inserted the words... "...I went and got a perm..." into the song and suddenly it didn't sound that daring. It just sounded really goofy. If i were "dyin'" would I want everyone talking about my new hairdo in the coffin. "Well, at least she squeezed every ounce out of life. She even went and got that there perm."

Hmmm...

I got to the salon and joked to the hairstylist about her probably not having done a perm since the 80's...my bravado was lessening. I tried to reason that i had a huge patch of curls under my poker straight hair and i either had to make it all straight or curl the living lights out of it. She looked at me doubtfully, told me to wait right there, brought out the curlers and told me that they only had little ones so no matter how loose they made it, it was still going to be a "tight one".

Hmmm...

I had booked a sitter. I had these 2 1/2 hours of what people call "me time". What to do. I told her to lighten my hair for summer and style it. She obeyed that request. It must have sounded less doubtful than my first. All week, knowing that I was going to get my hair done, Ellie kept asking to get hers done too. She wanted a very short pixie cut! I booked her appt. as i went to leave. Maybe she would chicken out like me. On the way there this morning i kept asking her "Are you sure?" "YUP!!" She beamed as they asked her name. She confidently removed her coat as they hung it for her and strutted to the chair like a pro. (She's never been to a salon in her life.) All the way through the haircut she smiled at herself in the mirror. The other women in the salon watched her with shock as her beautiful blond hair was snipped off a section at a time. One woman looked at me from under the dryer. "Big change! Did she ask for that herself?" I smiled nervously. "Yes, she did. Pretty fearless." We went home with her funky little hairdo and she's been beaming ever since. One of her cousins told her she looked like a boy. Ellie smiled: "Well, you look like a frog." ...O.k O.k. I know i shouldn't have, but my husband's family is terrible with teasing and so I prepared her with that line in case someone told her she looked like a boy. She used it like it was her own. Before we went to the salon this morning she had said to me. "If i hate it I can always get a hat. I don't care!" I love that. No fear, no worries over comments should someone else not like her choice. She just let loose and tried something new. That's Ellie for you though...confidently trying something none of her sisters have tried before. My little confident one. Love it.

"DO LIKE YOU CAN NOW!!"

Sitting in the stands tonight at baseball was like attending the longest and loudest unsolicited advice convention. Thankfully, none of the advice was directed towards me. I guess certain people would call some of the banter cheering. I've heard some of these cheers a trillion times and either it never made sense to me to begin with or else it is becoming increasingly non-sensical the more times I hear them. It's like when you say a word over and over and pretty soon it doesn't make any sense anymore. Not sure, but "Do like you can now!!" became confusing to me at one point. (Is that guy speaking Arabic?... Oh no...no, It is English) Another strange cheer: One parent continually yelling at his boy on first base "NOTHING GETS PAST YOU! NOTHING!!" (everything got past him... everything.) Then there was the comic relief as the assistant coach of the opposing team repeatedly howled across the field for his son to spit out his gum during play. The red headed boy heard his father... he just wanted to see his father act it out i guess. Thus began the funniest session of gesticulating. The father shoving his fingers into his mouth, pulling out imaginary gum and then pretending to throw it away angrily. (i smiled) He repeated this skit numerous times while his chubby, red headed son watched him, sheer pleasure flushing his face. Suddenly, the boy became brave. Perhaps his bravery stemmed from the level to which he had caused his father to stoop to so successfully already, perhaps it was his friends surrounding him, perhaps he just had temporary insanity. He raised his fist into a "hang loose" sign and wiggled his freckly hand at his irate father. As the son exited the field, he wore a smug grin that read "I'm goooood!" Have you ever watched the Daffy duck cartoon where Daffy's beak gets smacked off? That's pretty much what happened when #30 reached his dad on the other side of the fence. His dad snatched him by the back of the sweaty neck to steady #30 as he shoved his sausagy fingers into his son's howling mouth, extricated the gum and threw it away JUST like he had mimed. It was too much. I looked away and laughed. Curt's aunt, who was sitting with me muttered "Baseball players are supposed to chew gum aren't they?" I guess NOT... not according to #30's dad. Not when they chew gum AND give the hang loose sign. Anyways, we laughed, he cried and someone yelled yet another inane cheer. "Look alive!!" (Who made up these cheers anyways?)

Sweet Things

As i was cleaning up, I found (as usual) scads of notes left by my third-born. What is it about 3rd-borns that give them such a leaning towards peacekeeping? (My sister Paige always filled that role in our home growing up too.) I have notes all over the fridge telling me that "You are the best mom ever. Love Robin." Everyone has been told in note form that they are loved by Robin. No one will ever doubt that. When someone is sick, Robin is the one to fix up an extensively padded "sick-bed". She will offer to read stories, bring treats, snuggle. Many times when we go to check on the kids at night we will find that little Ellie has snuck out of her bed and curled up under Robin's arm, safe in her big sisters' bed. One day Ellie blurted out "I wish you were my mom." I wondered how I should take that... :)... and then realized that it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with Robin. She is a sweet gift. A tender pause. A gentle ingredient, vital to the unique flavour of this home. Every little note I find is another reminder to me as a mother to be more tender, more loving... sweeter. Thank you Lord for this child who reminds me. My very own sweet thing, my gift from God, my little Robin.

Spring for a Prarie Boy

Spring is the time when all self-respecting prairie boys shed their winter coats and go for a sleeker, more aerodynamic hairstyle. This hairstyle makes him faster for catching rabbits and easier to dry up after a jaunt through the ponds looking for fresh frogs. Best of all... no hairbrush is required for weeks at a time and yet he stays more handsome than his horse.

It is also a good time to take your sisters and brother out and teach them all you know about trapping moles and making a bit of $ from the county.

Genius

The little girls had ball Wednesday night, and their coach is a genius. Geniuses are fun to watch in action. It was raining and he pretended that the sun was shining. The kids just followed along in his same attitude like magic. They shook their wet hair out with smiles and practiced like they were in a laundry detergent commercial. He played "baseball" with a huge rubber ball, bowling it through one kids' legs. The "batter" would kick it and everyone had time to think of where they should be and where they would throw should the ball come to them. It was a great way to slow the action down enough for learners to catch on. He played emphatically in the middle of them, stopping action to remind and coach up anyone who seemed lost. His words were punctuated with clapping and back patting. The whole time he is talking to them, it is like he is talking to the highest level of player... and he calls them "All Stars" repeatedly. After the rubber ball game, he "ran lines". I hadn't seem him to do it this way before. He told the "All Stars" to line up a few yards away from him. They did. He gave the command to start running towards him. A herd of k-3 start barrelling down on him across the soaked field. Suddenly he roars "DOWN!" Every child was immediately sliding on their back in unison, hands in the air; nothing to break their fall but their skill. He showed them how each detail of their bodies should be positioned as they went from running to sliding on their backs. If someone was not quite right, everyone waited on their backs, hands up while he adjusted legs and feet and hands. My heart squeezed as i watched little Ellie just loving every minute of the hard drills in the rain and sliding with each loud "DOWN!!" only to bounce up and run to the start for more. Sadie was watching from the window of the vehicle and said "Why are they DOING that???" If he yelled at ME like that I would go on my bum too!!" When we had left the house to go to the practice, Robin had been wearing white sweat pants. I had commented on how perfectly white her pants were. "Thanks Mom!" After the practice I said "How are your white pants Rob?" She looked at me, beaming from ear to ear, rain dripping off of her hair. "Dirty!!" Genius.

Wordless Wednesday

Robin's Baby

Last night I drove the kids out to the field to check on the horses. One of the mares had started "waxing" (dripping milk) that morning and we knew that her foal was on it's way. She had hidden way back into the far bush. When we finally found her there was no baby yet. By bedtime we could see her out the back window pacing the fence-line. Everyone was excited but especially Robin. This was "her" horse in labour. This morning everyone was up early. Curt was coming in from chores just as I was doling out breakfast. He announced "Black Gold Dust Miner just had her foal!" Robin, who was holding Wesley, went into a panting frantic display of emotion. She thrust Wesley towards me hooting "I WANT TO SEE MY BABY...I WANT TO SEE MY BABY!!!" It struck me so funny. I grabbed Wes from her and hauled Sadie out of her highchair. Leaving breakfast half conquered, we headed out to see the babe, a filly. The pair were hiding at the southern most corner of the field in the bushes. Mama was being extremely protective so we took a peek and then left them for the day. She'll want to show off soon enough. In the meantime, Robin is trying to pick a name: "What should I call her Mom? Blackie? (the horse is honey colored), Goldie, Dustie, or Minerie?" :)

59c burgers!!!

I am visiting Paige this weekend and she had a genius idea last night to drive to the local Dairy Queen and order up 34 burgers as they are on for 59c! YOWZA! Reminded me of Jughead Jones from the Archie comics. I always wanted to order a huge platter of burgers like that... I guess now i can cross that off my "bucket list". eat like jughead jones

Photograph Friday

Catching bunnies. Curt released a few bunnies last summer not thinking they would do as well as they have. We now are smothered with bunnies. Great fun for the kids to go out and catch a few in the bush.

Sadie, Ellie and "slow-poke" who was penned after his capture.

"i-Pod boy" and "i-Poo'ed boy"

"The Baseballers '09": Carrie, (Sweet Sadie), Robin, Ellie

Robin, Ellie, Carrie

Robin, Sadie, Ellie, Carrie.

Baseballers

It's like I'm living in a constant state of Deja-vu. Last summer, my oldest daughter Carrie started to fall in love with baseball. She got her baseball uniform and wore it to bed every night. She wore it for chores. She wore it as her normal clothes. When we were choosing a topic for a writing assignment, she chose "How to throw a baseball." She had a coach who was full of tricks to remember how to do everything. He was overflowing with sayings, analogies, imagery, catchy phrases, encouragement. He's the kind of coach that tries hard to pass on his absolute love of the game without putting a heap of pressure on the young players. That's hard though when you are so intense about every aspect of the game. Curt got a kick out of this exchange at the last practice: The coach was giving the kids a pep talk about learning to pitch for each other. "It would be good if everyone would try pitching, but you don't have to do it if you don't want to." Out of the group of children a hand shot up. "I don't want to. I won't be any good." The coach, forgetting that he just said it was okay if you didn't want to, bellowed out. "Now there's NO EXCUSE for that kind of attitude!!" :) This year, on the night she was going to be handed her new uniform Carrie came bounding into the kitchen with Robin and Ellie who will also be playing this summer. "Mom!! Tonight is the night we're going to be getting our new pyjamas!" "What?" "Our baseball uniforms mom!" When they got home Carrie and Robin were bubbling over. Ellie, 6 was devastated. "Mom, my uniform is too big for me and they don't have any littler ones." We gathered up her uniform and washed it at high heat and to her jubilation it fit a little better by morning. She still runs while holding onto the back of her pants, but it's the best we can do for right now. I have 3 little addicts now. The two younger ones haven't had a practice yet but have been wearing their uniforms quite a bit regardless. Carrie comes home from every practice or game to call her Grampsie in Victoria and tell him about every play that was made and every new trick she has learned. She is also full of advice for everyone lately: "Well, It's like my coach always says. You gotta face your fears." or "Well, It's like my coach always says, you shouldn't waste your arms."...not sure how that last one applies to real life unless she is trying to get out of chores, but she used it today on Darren for some reason. It's fun to see my kids get excited about something they love. Such a wave of comic relief over these past couple months that have seemed so heavy. All the tests for Sadie so far came back clear and yet she is still not gaining her weight back. Her appetite is nil but her water intake is forcibly back to "normal". Her little feet are dry and cracked and she complains of thirst all day. I'm praying that will lessen as this month wears on and *hopefully* her own hormones kick into gear again. She is praying every night for her "fatness and shubbies" (Chubbies) to come back and is trying to adhere to my calorie boosting diet. Can't wait for health to be restored completely. No clear answers as to why this happened with her but I'm sure the 14 day flu had some part to play in knocking her hormones/electrolytes way off kilter. Praying for her to reach 30 lbs again which was her weight pre-flu. Thanks to those of you who are praying with us.

Date Night

We went riding tonight. My first time in...forever. Either I'm pregnant so Curt won't take me, or the kids are going with Curt. Finally tonight I got to go. Curt took me to the same place we rode horse on our first date 13 years ago. After all these years he still saddles my horse for me. He adjusts the stirrups for my short legs...high enough so a leprechaun could ride if he needed to. He went to take a picture of my momentous first ride of the season. *click* He looked at the picture... (smirk on his face) "Hmm! Your mouth is wide open." It's one of his "in" jokes. He likes to tease me that I talk too much. I reminded him that one of the reasons he liked me on our first date was that he didn't have to think of anything to say. My mouth ran like a squirrel in the park and he just sat on his horse and smiled. I finished my light-hearted lecture by saying. "You liked that I always had something to say." He smiled... "You still do!" (more teasing)

Curt showed me how he can get our little Arab "Sketch" to curl his neck all the way back to the saddle and spin on a dime and how he can get him to side-step. He showed me how to get the new Tennessee Walking horse we borrowed from his dad to keep it's gait. It was almost like learning to shift gears on a standard vehicle. I miss my Arab Chenille who died this winter. It's going to be strange to break in a new horse. It was good to get out today though and just be the two of us even if it was only for an hour and a half. A little flashback to our first date and a reminder of the things we love to do together.

King...er Queen of the Castle

Curt took Darren in for his routine EEG at the Stollery this afternoon so it's just us girls at home...and Wes. :) The girls have been having a raucous time playing games upstairs together. I had to turn off the baby monitor as it was picking up their craziness and blasting it through the house louder than my vacuum cleaner. Suddenly Carrie comes down the stairs. "I LOVE taking Darren's place as the OLDEST when he's gone!" Then she climbed up on the couch and announced in a blasting English accent, "SIBLINGS!!!... FETCH ME SOMETHING TO DRINK AND A LAAAARGE PIECE OF PIE!!!" I looked up at her flushed face and shredded braids standing there in her baseball uniform. She is in her glory. Too bad Darren will be coming home so soon to de-throne her. Ah well, it was fun while it lasted.

Truth

As I type this, my son Darren is about 10 meters away from me. I am at the computer desk in the house and he... he is outside. There is a large pile of dirt that has been sitting on our land since we leveled the front yard for seeding last fall. He is methodically digging into it, balancing a large shovel-full, turning, walking 11 paces away, dumping it onto a new pile. Then he turns, walks back in his dusty rubber boots, shovel under his arm and digs in again. The large pile of dirt becoming the smaller pile while the new pile becoming the larger, fresher looking pile. Curt sent him out there to do this futile job as a punishment for lying. Someone may say that the lie he told was not a "big" lie. I remember other kids trying to differentiate between types of lies when i was young. Ridiculous. A lie is a lie. Relationship cannot survive under the burden of lying and deceit....and character grows when we refuse to take the easy way out. God, cause my children to love the truth, to cling to it, to never shy from it. Let them see how relationships are shattered and trust is destroyed when anything but truth alone is embraced. If you could turn the water into wine, the "loaves and fishes" into a feast... please turn this pitiful pile of shovelled dirt into a lesson on truth. Speak to his tender 11 year old heart as he is quietly working alone out there. You are better with words and slower to anger. Abounding in love... and he is Yours. Speak Lord.

Use this vessel as You choose...

This past Tuesday, in preparation for the Premiers' Prayer Breakfast, my sisters and I were invited to a dinner of about 40 organizers, sponsors

and participants at

the Westin Hotel. I rarely go out for "dinner" and if I do, it's always with Curt....and i wear jeans. I dressed up for this dinner, out of my pastel, monogrammed bunny apron i got for my wedding 12 years ago, and into some black heels. Well, i wore more than just heels, but you get the idea. I forgot how painful footwear can be! Curt drove me in as I am petrified about driving in the city and we picked up the kids at Grandmas next door on the way as they were helping with the final burning of the old barn. That was perhaps a bad idea. The kids filed into the vehicle in their dusty rubber boots smelling like burning manure and 100

year old barn, Curt in his work clothes, me in my earrings, new blouse and heels. I'm sure

we made quite the scene walking through the lobby of the Westin Hotel in downtown Edmonton, a strong farm husband trailing a fancy wife

and 6 dusty, stinky children. I'm sure, because others told me at the dinner that they saw us arrive. Well, if you can't be yourselves, who can you be?...I'm the only one who didn't come as i normally am. Anyways, the three of us girls headed over to the Shaw to try out the sound. We were stunned when we saw the HUGE venue. I hadn't imagined that there would be 1200 people there! Interestingly, I don't think any of us had any shred of nervousness about the whole thing during any part of it. That was a first! I am usually the resident basket case and for this, i was totally calm. Maybe it was the numbness from lack of sleep, or perhaps the giddiness that seeps in when my sisters surround me. Whatever it was, it was a welcome change for me! After the sound check we went back to the hotel room to check in on our husbands and children.

Curt and Paige's husband Neil dressed the kids all up and went for a swim with them while we

waited for our sister Steph to get ready for the dinner. She had driven with 2 of her 7 children all the way from Hinton alone. The rest were home with dad. Wesley was in a wild screechy, teething mood and i had a feeling that i may be called away from the dinner early. When Steph was ready, we went to the meeting room together. A large bowl of punch with floating strawberries and pineapple was at the door and a huge open rectangular table filled the room. It was like King Arthur... only...rectangular. After everyone had arrived, the salad came and we were asked to go around the table and introduce ourselves and speak a bit about ourselves. It took quite awhile and as we listened our dinner was presented. Beautiful thin-sliced roast beef, squash, asparagus, carrots, potatoes, gravy...mmmmm. The three of us girls would end

the introductions and just as i took my first bite, my phone buzzed. It was most likely Curt needing help with screaming Wes. It was also my turn to introduce myself. As i had been sitting

there, listening to everyone introduce themselves as the CEO of this company or that sports team, or describe themselves in terms of their work and who they served, an interesting thought came over me. We are 3 little housewives. It wasn't a feeling of being somehow "less". It was an overwhelming reminder of one of the songs we had planned to sing the next morning. I introduced myself, describing my family to the wild applause around the table. hah! And then I quoted the verse from the song that was pulsing in my head. "Lord, you formed me out of clay. And for Your glory I was made. Use this vessel as You choose. And let my life, O Lord, praise You." Whether our days consist of making decisions that acutely affect a small family of 8, or a large province full of people, our lives are to bring Him praise. Beautiful that He created us

for His glory and can use 3 little housewives to sing praise to Him at a celebration to remind

us provincially that there is One who ultimately makes all the decisions. We are all vessels

in the potter's hands... fill me up with more of You, Lord, and use me to display the works of Your hands.

Premiers' Prayer Breakfast 2009

Because I haven't written in so long and I'm exhausted... here are links to what I've been up to with my sisters lately. Sadie is in the hospital for the second night in a row running tests, sending away blood to the states to check her hormones. Curt and I are tag teaming so that we are with her the whole time. Sometimes you go through life holding your breath. That's me right now! I'm thankful for the bright spot of excitement the past couple weeks in preparation for this event at the Shaw.

http://sojourner-ephraim.blogspot.com/2009/04/premiers-prayer-breakfast-take-1.html#links

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/mamazee

It's Friday... but Sunday's commin'...

O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O light that foll’west all my way,
I yield my flick’ring torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

The day after deprivation

Well, we made it through so many days of waiting only to be given another set of days to wait. Dr's visits begetting Dr's visits. Finally got in with the Nephrologist for Sadie, waited another 5 days for her "water deprivation test". By the time the test rolled around, she was drinking almost 7 litres of water/24 hours. We were up every hour of the night changing her and giving drinks as it continued on into the night. Morning diapers weighed in at 7 1/2 lbs. Sadie and I spent yesterday laying in the clinical investigations wing of the hospital. Curt, my hero of a husband came and brought Wesley. He looked after him all day at the hospital so that I could stay with Sadie and when Wes needed nursing, Curt brought him to me. I love that man. Curt's mom had all our other kids spend the day at her house making cinnamon buns and playing with cousins....I love her for that too. I brought Darren's DS with a "Dora Explorer" game borrowed from a friend, books and dollar store prizes to be chosen after each unpleasant test. That was my aunt and cousin's suggestion and it was a great tool to have on a day that was guaranteed to be a rough one. I carried her through the halls as we waited in between "checks", reminding her that i love her as i said "no" to repeated cries for water. We made scheduled and repeated trips to the washroom on the hour for samples of blood, urine, BP and weight. She lost 4 % of her body weight during the test (easy for a 28 lb 3 yr old to do) and her sodium was rising, something they were watching for. Suddenly it rose higher than their limit and the test was abruptly ended, last samples were taken and the anti-diuretic hormone was given to see what her reaction was to it....It was Diabetes Insipidus...Then the last results from the lab came back and the sodium was back to it's original number... high, but not at a level warranting stopping the test! They decided that the sudden jump in sodium in her blood work was probably due to the saline flush from her IV. So frustrating to have them screw up after such a long torturous day of it. Dr. decided that he needed to talk to the leading expert in Diabetes Insipidus, Dr. Bichet, who lives in Quebec regarding the results and in the meantime we were to cut her drinking down to 2litres/24 hours starting that day. WELL! We went home answer-less...She was parched and didn't want to eat on the way home. Only drink despite not having eaten anything all day. (The test had lasted from 3 am-2 pm.) I allowed about 4 cups total by the time bed rolled around and then explained to her that we were not going to give her drinks during the night. She said "I'm not thirsty anyways." !!! I haven't heard her say that ever. I tucked her into bed and she did not wake up for drinks even once. At 3 i woke her up to see if she could pee as i worried that she had drunk too much and if she couldn't pee it out (because of the hormone) it could be problems but she didn't have to go. At 7 am I pulled on some pants, coat, shoes and pulled my hair into a ponytail. I didn't wash my face, brush my hair or my teeth (This whole ordeal is encouraging some un-hygienic practices) got Sadie up, urine sample collected and went into the lab for more blood work. I was amazed with her reaction to the anti-diuretic hormone! My uneducated opinion is that she *is* concentrating her urine but just not *enough*. I think because she is losing too much fluid, she is getting thirsty. Around 11, her asking for water began again. She had only drunk 1 1/3rd cups of water, but 600mls plus the urine sample had escaped. Her drinking seems to be fuelled by her peeing. I guess we will see as time goes on. It is Easter so we won't get in to see the Nephrologist till next week when he has booked us in, but hopefully more will surface between now and then. In the meantime, it feels like God is just right here... silently watching and waiting with me. I recognize this "feeling". When Darren was diagnosed with epilepsy i remember feeling like God was present but He was silent. His silence annoyed me and made me angry. Somehow, this time around, His silent presence is peaceful and reassuring. It's an acute awareness that He sees my heart, He knows my thoughts...."...even before a word is on my lips, (He) knows it completely..." (psalm 139... again) The silence, to me, is God listening.

Tender Tuesday

Curt asleep with Wesley on the landing bed.

My sweet son.

Grannie's Visit

Grannie and "Wessie"

Darren (aka "Robin Hood") and Carrie (aka "Much") bought these bamboo poles at the garden center. Great fun!

Grannie helped the girls make peanut brittle which was a huge hit!

The girls give Granny a complete makeover...makup and hair....and Granny reciprocates by treating them all to eyebrows and moustaches. After it was over, Robin commented, "You actually look pretty good Grannie!"

Indoor baseball at Commonwealth Place! A welcome distraction from the SNOW!

Wesley's bath face.

Hard-core biking during the bedtime stroll with Grannie. It is "spring" so we will pretend there is no snow.

Darren taking his hunter's ed. course on-line.
Stories with mama.

Waiting and trying to feel useful...

Well, the results are in and the appointment is set. It didn't turn out how i thought it would though. As the day wore on and i continued measuring what *exactly* is the water intake and output, my anxiety began to grow. It's one thing to *know* that the amount going in and out is huge. I did measure smaller amounts of time to get a picture of what was going on, but actual numbers confirmed in my mind that I'm not crazy. Something is going on. She drank 6litres and 650 mls in a 24 hour period. Almost the same is going out. Despite the numbers, which the kidney specialist recognizes as huge, her case is not considered an "emergency" as her blood and urine tests all came back clear. I disagree. She is going through 1/2 her body weight in water/day. ...and she's my baby. Our appointment is set for Friday. One week away. After getting off the phone, my hope for an appointment that day was gone and was replaced with total nausea. My sister Paige advised me to ask them to put me on a cancellation list so that we could get in earlier if someone else cancels and that gave me a shred of hope back. (Thank you Paige!) I decided to take the kids out to the greenhouses to smell something green and living. Out of the 3 we tried, only one was open but it was worth the driving around. The deep horrible snow at this time of a year can make a person desperate for that smell of *life* contained in the local greenhouses and the events of the past month have only served to intensify that need in me. They all bought cacti. As we were driving home, mom was talking to the kids about how the cacti can just survive all kinds of things. A wave of a thought swept over me of "You can survive this week too Jess." I know mom imagined this week to run differently too. When she flew in, we had been told that Sadie was going to be admitted. Maybe mom is feeling useless too. I hope not. There is something (unlike anything else in the world) that I can only find in the company of my mom. Even if all we can *do* right now is continue measuring to feel useful, and stare at each other and wait. I'm finding comfort under my mom's wing and her encouragement that regardless of the outcome, God remains our true comfort and encouragement and strength. Waiting...my eyes are on Him.

"Cupcake"

"Cupcake" was sleeping during this goofball festival today and missed all the fun!

When we were at the Children's Hospital the one nurse kept stopping Sadie to and from the washrooms telling her how everyone thought she was so cute like a muffin or a little cupcake. Sadie giggled and when we went in the washrooms Sadie smiled at me with her head tipped to one side and said "She calls me Cupcake!" When we left the hospital she said loudly "They LOVE me!!" Last night as i was praying with her before bed she said her prayers this way. "Dear Jesus, Please help Cupcake to get better. Amen." Then looked at me with her silly 3 yr old face, waiting for my laugh. I'm afraid her chosen nickname may stick and she may not lose it when she wants to but for now, Sadie is "Cupcake". She also has chosen to answer to the name of "Muffin" every now and then. Nephrology (kidney specialist) called me today and so we are measuring the "ins" and "outs" of 24 hours of Sadie's little life and then we will be booking an appointment. She's at about 3 liters "in" so far. Still perky and happy. Nights will be measured in lbs I suppose. The kids are enjoying a sudden visit from their Grannie who lives 16 hours away and other than that, life is going on as usual. Hoping this is a strange virus that will resolve but hopefully there *will* be answers and an end to this unusual turn of events.

Sadie Update

The last post began one of our worst nights with Sadie. She needed to be changed almost every hour and cried all night for more water. Curt and I tag teamed it and I got maybe a total of 2 hours sleep. Then either my alarm never went off... or i slept through it. Either way, i was woken up by Curt and Sadie at 7:30 Sunday morning. I was supposed to be singing on worship team at the church at 7:45! Good one! I threw some clothes on, combed my hair frustrated that i had braided it the night before so it was a mess. Neglected brushing my teeth (not nice), slapped a fresh diaper on Wes and the two of us drove to church. Our music pastor asked how I was and I think it was then that the magnitude of the night before finally hit me. :( *tears* They prayed for us as a family and I went through the day feeling like i really needed a shower and a good sleep. I picked Sadie up from Sunday School and she announce happily that "The Sunday school teacher gave me as much water as I wanted!!" I didn't think of it again till later. We went to Curt's sisters' place for a birthday party where she had to be bribed to eat and begged for water. Finally she ate a bit of meat so i gave her a plastic cup of water. She downed it in one gulp and then grabbed her tummy and howled. "My tummy hurts!...I gotta go pee!" I was so tired so took the kids home. Sadie was cold and her lips were just blue so i decided to take her for a bath. When i undressed her, her tummy was like a malnourished African baby that you would see in the World Vision ads. I asked her to suck in her tummy and she said she couldn't. I poked it and it was rock solid from her legs to the top of her chest! I panicked. Long story short, we were going to take her in to emerg, changed our minds after she ate something substantial and realized that the bloat was probably from the Sunday school giving her "...as much water as she wanted." She had also left church soaked all up the front of her jacket from guzzling at the fountains back and forth as well. Today, we made it to the same pediatrician we went to last time. I brought in 2 full bags of wet diapers representing the previous 2 nights of diaper peeing minus all the times she actually made it to the washroom. He sent her for a head x-ray and then told us to go straight to the Stollery Children's Hospital. Curt dropped me off there with Wesley and Sadie and i spent the next 4 hours alone with them going back and forth to the washrooms with Sadie. Holding Wes as I lifted her with the other hand on and off, then hands washed, then back to our seats. The first time we went, i didn't save our seats and 2, 300 lb native men with their young nephew took one of our seats so I sat there with a 3 year old and a 4 month old both snuggling on my lap for the rest of the time. The "seat takers" talked loudly about women and "security" costumes they were planning on buying. (that's all I'm going to say here but it was a little intimidating and inappropriate) Anyways, we got in after that so i called Curt and he came back in to be with us for the appointment. Sadie screamed like crazy again for the blood taking but enjoyed thoroughly the peeing in the cup part. Not sure why but that brings a smile to her face every time. They told us at first that we were going to be admitted to do the test for "diabetes insipidus" and then another lady came in and told us that instead, we could go home and get a good nights' sleep and they would get nephrology (kidney specialists) to call us either tomorrow and no later than Thursday for further testing. Her kidneys are not concentrating the urine... not conserving anything. Water in-Water out. Mom is flying in to help out. I guess tomorrow I will get prepared for a possible overnight stay as i was imagining sleeping in my contacts. That and Sadie's diaper had not stayed in place. When they took her blood, she had to go pee and wet everything and we didn't have a change of clothes. I guess that is another thing I'll need to carry with me in case. SO thankful for family. Curt's sister Jody orchestrated 3 shifts of babysitters for us tonight just in case we were not coming home! WOW! Praying for an answer.

What day are we on now???

Thrilled with the "eating of the muffin" yesterday, i made another batch today. Accidentally, i quadrupled the recipe. (ooops!) I sprinkled a few of them with chocolate chips. Curt had bought "caramel" chips and there were a few of those on top too. After eating a banana muffin, Sadie informed me that she did not like the "white" chocolate chips. I asked why not and she said "They taste like HAM!" Somebody forgot what ham tastes like I think. The drinking thing was less today but not gone and she is still having accidents at night. Curt has changed her once already and it's only 11:23. Looking forward to tomorrow and praying for a complete resolution of the problem. I'd better get to bed as I have to be at the church tomorrow morning at 7:45 for worship team. I'm going to need a STRONG coffee! This has been a long week...2 weeks... what day are we on!? Tomorrow marks the 2 week-aversary of Sadie's Sunday barf during the presenting of the pot-bellied pig. Nice when you can count your days off like that. :)

Joy in the Morning!!

I gave Sadie "over the counter" antacid (Diovol) the past 2 days. Probably more than she should have had but she's also had more vomiting/"D" than she should have had. The Pediatrician said that the Diovol should help to reduce the acidity of her volatile tummy so that it could heal up. I'm so thankful for a simple solution if it will help!! Last night, Sadie stayed up and ate a whole muffin! I know it's *small* sounding but after so long of not eating, it was shocking to hear her say "I'm HUNGRY." I didn't have to bribe her to eat by promising water. She wolfed it down and then settled into bed with me and slept the whole night. She didn't get up and ask for water till the morning when i woke up around 6 to the sound of her crying at the drink dispenser of the fridge. We had locked it the night before. She would not eat breakfast but at lunch ate a whole hot dog. Wow! I'm so relieved. So is Curt. He has been beside himself over Sadie. Waiting to see if the drinking problems will improve with an increase in appetite and eating. So thankful to friends for praying. So thankful to God for comfort, and another reminder that these little ones are not mine alone. They are on loan from His mighty hand. God, help me use my moments to point them to you so that they know where to turn in times of worry and doubt. On a side note: The pediatrician said that many of the anti-nausea act "on the brain" which tells the tummy to settle down but doesn't relieve what is happening in the tummy (eg. Gravol) which is the reason the problems keep re-appearing. He said that others can cause problems with diarrhea. (Pepto Bismol!) We had only given her the one dose of prescription meds. we were given in emerg. to take home to settle her tummy (so that she could keep water down) and that did nothing for her. We tried Gravol and she was very zoned out and, like the other medication, the vomiting returned full force as soon as it wore off. Thank God for an end to the 11 day fast and vomit festival! So thankful! Another thing to be thankful for is Darren. After his seizure the other morning, he threw up and got a wicked headache. I was scared that we were going to go through the same thing with him. I thought he had the flu and that i would have to be on the phone with his Neurologist about how to keep down the anti-seizure meds. He's never had the flu since he was diagnosed over 3 years ago. I e-mailed family and asked them to pray for that situation and I went upstairs with a dose of antacid and his morning medication for his epilepsy. He also needed Tylenol as sometimes the seizures create horrible "waving" headaches and he had one bad. The medicine stayed down and he didn't throw up again. Maybe the seizure created the nausea (which has happened before but not to that extent). Regardless, of physically why it happened that way, it is another answer to prayer in the nick of time. "WOOT WOOT!" ( ...as the teen generation likes to say.) So Happy!

Forgot Something!

It's 11:30 at night and I got home an hour ago from a night out with a friend. We were having nachos and chocolate desserts at Boston Pizza and I got a call from Curt telling me that Wes needed me. My date night was abruptly cut short (sorry Andrea!) and I headed home to find a happy-to-see-me boy who didn't seem too starved. He did giggle and kick when he saw me though and that was a thrill for sure! After getting him settled back into his crib, Curt told me how Sadie had asked for muffins tonight. I started throwing things into the mixer so she could have muffins in the morning. Then she woke up and came down the stairs to find me making her muffins. She decided to stay up and wait for them to finish baking. I suppose she felt like we were good old pals staying up late together and it brought back the conspiratorial conversation we had at the Dr's about the pee sample that we were going to leave for the lab techs. We were walking to my room to get something holding hands and she looked up at me and said "At the Dr's I peed in a cup..."
me: "Yes you sure did Sadie and we left it in their cupboard."
sadie: "We forgot to spill it on their heads!"
me: "Yes Sadie, i guess we did forget to do that!" Haa haa! (wasn't really part of the plan!)--j

Bad nights

Most nights I'm glad to see the pillow and sorry to see the sun peeking in behind the blinds. Last night was long. I tried to dole out the water in smaller increments to Sadie as she seems to drink it 16 oz at a time if i let her. I wanted the antacid the Dr. told us to give her time to do it's job without being diluted and flushed right out. She was sad that I made her wait between 1/4 cup intervals all night. Big red teary eyes staring at me. "Can I Please have my water now??" And even so, we went through almost 8 cups by morning. That is less than usual though. I don't want to limit her water as that is really all she's been taking in...just don't want her to drown her poor tummy into vomiting it all up. She got up this morning and promptly drank an 11 oz cup of water before any of us could stop her. On top of those continual interruptions of sleep (so that she could be doled out another 1/4-1/2 cup of water) her diaper had to be changed a couple times, we had to change the sheets once as the diaper leaked, and Wes had his normal nighttime wakings.... And then, i heard something on the monitor. Curt didn't think i was right, but i went upstairs to Darren's room and he was caught under all the blankets having a seizure. I stayed with him till it was over and he took the heaving breaths that mean he is going to fall into the arms of the deepest sleep I've never known and then i just went downstairs and put on my clothes. Sadie just came to me complaining that her new diapers we bought her won't stay up. Where is my chubby little potty-trained 3 yr old? :( Her weight is so low. I'm hoping the Dr. will call regardless of test results this second time around. I need help getting her back eating and to health. I'm at a loss and this is getting scary.

Sadie Update

Some of you have asked about my Sadie the past week or so. We just got back from our fourth Dr.'s visit this week. One was in the emergency. This time it was with a pediatrician. I've never had any of the kids go for so long without eating... so long vomiting and "the other" at the same time. I've never had any kid be sick even for a day like that and still be perky... but Sadie is. And it's been 10 days. The pediatrician is re-doing all of the tests we had done already. Not for the flu, but for the drinking/peeing problems that started in February before the flu hit. I changed her pull-ups 3 times last night as they were bursting at the seams and leaking. In the waiting room of the lab she drank 3 full glasses of water. None of my kids are screamers. She screamed today for them taking her blood.... very loud. Darren did that once when he needed blood taken as a little guy... and once when he got his shots. Funny how hot and embarrassed i got when he screamed... I didn't care today, 10 years later. If she needed to scream, let her scream. She's only 3. If you can't scream unashamedly at 3 when you see someone stick a needle in your arm and remove blood, when can you? After the blood-taking, we were told to go give the pee sample. I took Sadie in the washroom and told her that since they were so mean to take her blood we were going to leave them a nasty little cup of pee in their 2 way cupboard in their bathroom. She blinked her free flowing tears down her face and laughed. She couldn't wait to get out of there. Neither could I. Curt was angry with me yesterday. He figured I wasn't caring enough... that i wasn't worrying enough. How much more can I do? I'm hurting. Health is so precious and when the threat of illness stands menacingly over my tiny child, it makes me weak in the knees. Been praying Psalm 61 over my children this month and wrote it out as a song for Wesley's eventual dedication.

"Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge. A strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings."

*whimper*

Sorry, but today I just feel like whining...

-10th day out of 11 that included voluminous amounts of vomit.

-day two of an eyeball-popping, nausea-inducing migraine.

um...hmmmmm.... now i have mental block... Either life isn't so bad, or I'm losing my marbles and can't remember all the other things worth whining about.... *blush* Time to suck it up and get on with the game. (No points scored.)

The work of His hand...

This blog began with the entry "waiting..." accompanied by the first pictures of my son...in utero. Every now and then, when I take a new picture of Wesley, I go back to this first one and compare it to him "then". This picture *is* Psalm 139 to me... God saw Wes while he was being formed in the "secret place"...being "knit together in his mothers' womb"... I love that Psalm. It is a reminder that God was there in our own personal beginning. He knew us during those long, warm, dark months in the womb, and He *continues* to know us and form us. Daily, it's as if his hand keeps urging us on... "There's more... Keep looking...Don't give up...Not too much longer and you'll see what all of this is for...Trust me." If all there is to "life" is birth and physical maturity, what more could we need? Maybe happiness, a long life and eventually a peaceful death? But then there is the "small" problem of this strange longing for God...for "something more". If Wes could have had a philosophical mind in the womb, would he wonder what his legs were for? There is no running in that tiny place. Would he wonder why he had a mouth? He was being fed through his umbilical cord. What good is a mouth? Would he wonder why he had eyes? There was nothing to see in the darkness. Would he maybe wonder if the womb wasn't all there was to his life?....Would he wonder if there is something "beyond the womb?" Sometimes it's hard to not wonder what is going on "behind the curtain" of my life. Experience, nature, and my limited understanding of God so far though have shown me that no matter how painful or long the process is, the work of His hand is a miracle. And so, Lord, help me to bend easily to your hand as you make me, change me, and birth in *me* something of *your* spirit and character. Until we see each other "face to face", hide me safe in your keeping, in the womb of your love. There is more to come... I want to see Him face to face. My Father. My Keeper.

1 Corinthians 13:12 (New International Version)
12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.