Text- Talk

As we were going out the door to go to church tonight, Wes unloads his tiny pockets at the doorway.
Wes: "I Has MONEY!"  (pennies, dimes and nickles roll on the wood floor)
me: "Where did you get that money Wes?  Did you take it from dad's drawer??"
Darren: "He's been stealing from everyone's room lately...B.T.W. mom."
I look up at Darren.
me: "Um... don't say that."
Darren:  "What?!   BTW...By... The ... Way...?"
me:  "I know...  It's just weird to talk like you are texting."
Darren:  (laughing in his deep deep teen voice)
Sadie:  "He stole that money from Ellie's room!  I saw him do it!" 
me:  "Let me guess F..Y..I?"
Sadie:  NO!!!  silly!  It's E.. L.. L.. I.. E!!"

September-November

Sadie in September '11 and November '11:I have been shocked by the change in my little girl over the course of the first few weeks of her chemotherapy treatment for  Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis.  The prednisone, famous for weight gain and "moon-face", has most definitely left it's mark on my little girl.  2 more weeks of weekly treatments of vinblastine and heavy predisone until we change to treatments every 3 weeks for the rest of the year.  She is grumpy from the medication as well so we are having a lot of heart to hearts and cuddle time.  Grampsie is back and helping in every and any way that he can find to do.  He came to the last treatment with us and the port was not working properly.  Nurses suspect a small blood clot that may be blocking the tube so we will go in early next week and see if there is still a problem and if they still cannot draw blood from the port, they will flush it with a powerful blood clot buster and also send her for x-rays to make sure that there is not a problem with the actual Ivad tubing and placement.  The other kids are doing so well.  Robin has needed a little extra love with all the changes and also came with us to the last chemo.  It has SNOWED, so the kids have been spending every afternoon after school skating on the pond in the back 40, x-country skiing around the perimeter of the yard and practicing archery in the barn.  We set up the Christmas tree and made decorations today.  We also re- started the afternoon winter tradition of popcorn and hot chocolate when they come in with ruby red freezing cheeks and need a warm up.  It's the little traditions that make life feel normal... even though i know that it will never be the same again.  Sadie will never go back to being the same girl she was in September.  She changed day one.  My sister reminded me of a passage in Anne of Green Gables where Anne lost her baby.  The book describes her face as having a quality that it had never had before... and would never be gone from her face again.  Some things in life leave their mark... and this has been one of them.  When chemo is over, Sadie will begin growth hormone treatment and she will change drastically again in a short amount of time.  Her childhood pictures will have a strange sort of feel... not the gradual change that we all normally have, but huge leaps into sickness and healing and change.  It's drastic... and the change in me is drastic too.  I feel my heart exploding into a thousand different questions and thoughts that i am nesting on.  Praying that God would give me the proper perspective to be the kind of mom he is calling me to be in all of this.  I surrender...and now what does that look like?  It feels like certain death for part of me... but maybe that part was never meant to live... and when it dies, something beautiful will take it's place?  "Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies..." thinking of that verse tonight...-j    

Wild Wes

It's been a long two weeks.  I've been sick and now i've lost my voice completely.  Curt will have to take Sadie in for chemo today.  She was teary last night and this morning as it will be the first hospital visit that I haven't been able to go with her.  She seemed to accept it okay when i told her that we didn't want to make the other kids in the oncology ward sick as their bodies cannot fight sickness when they have lower blood counts.   I was washing up with Sadie this morning when Wes, my loud talker comes in with a huge announcement.  I answered him in a whisper.  He stopped, leaned over the tub and asked "How come you can't talk!?" I whispered "I lost my voice Wes!" His eyes got real big and serious and he slowly shook his finger at me and announced, "Then Wessie will FFFF- FIIIIND it for you!". Love that boy.  During chores he had pulled my arm over to the comfy chair in the kitchen and begged "Love me Mom!"  So we were snuggling when Robbie came up and carefully asked "Can I have some G-U-M?"  I said after chores were done she could.  Then went back to snuggling Wes.  He was quiet for a minute and then said "Jew-EM??.....Jew-EM!???...I want some JEW--EM!?  Can I have some JEW--EM?"  I guess a careful spelling of gum wasn't enough to deter a 2 year old.  If someone else is having it... he must have some too.  Maybe I should tell him that the other kids already finished some p-o-t-t-y-  t-r-a-i-n-i-n-g... maybe he'd want a piece of that too.  :P