Sadie's perfect explanation of the early pregnancy body:

Big smile on her face:
"Mom, you are pregnant...
but your baby isn't going to come out right away.
You're just fat.
(look of sympathy and a smile)
Right?"

Family Bowling Date

The ice-cream after-party.

bathing suit pep talk from a seasoned husband...

We're planning a family holiday and I had to buy a bathing suit that's suitable for wearing in public. I had worn out the bottom in the last good suit i had. Plus, i needed one that will work for maternity that's fairly "decent". We hit the mall and I found a few suits in one of the shops and started trying them on. Curt kept giving the sales lady really weird "old lady" suits to pass on to me in the change room as a joke. (She thought he was serious.) I forced him to come in the change room with me to check out one of the suits. He took one look at the suit i had on. It fit strangely over my pregnanty belly and rapidly vanishing waist-line. At this stage of a pregnancy and after 6 pregnancies I "show" right away. But mostly that "show" is really my body knowing what to do hormonally and just going with the flow. It's not a tight little belly full of baby. It's a body that knows the routine. :) Anyways, Curt took one look at me and said something i didn't think i would ever hear my husband say: "Don't worry, it will look better when you get a little bigger."

The Musical

The only picture I have so far of the rehearsals... hopefully more to follow! This is the costume for "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy". See my "baby bump"? :) The belt gets shorter and the skirt tighter (unfortunately) the closer we get to performance dates.

The 3 little girls insisted on having a make-up/hair/dress-up day yesterday as i was doing the same getting ready to go to rehearsal. Wesley got the brunt of the lipstick abuse.

I've been involved in preparation for a musical dessert theatre production at our church for some months now and it's finally coming down to the wire! Three more weeks till opening night. The drama tells the story of a husband and wife who run a diner in Spruce Grove from the 40's till the present and how God uses their lives to affect the community around them even though they don't necessarily feel like they have "much to offer". I am part of a group of singers that herald each decade in with period music. It's going to be a blast.

Breakfast Baby Hide and Seek

Peek-a-Boo is so much more exciting when your brothers and sisters join in the fun. :)

Trusting Him

"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us;

we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be. "

C.S. Lewis

Matthew 6:25-34 (New International Version)
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

curt update

Just thought i would put this update here as a post instead of a response to the comments section as so many have been asking lately about Curt. Once again, we realize that sometimes the doctors' information can be confusing. Maybe they are learning/brushing up on information as they go, or the medical community's stand on things changes. Anyways, at first we were told he would be in surgery as soon as possible and it would be all over before mid Feb. We were told that Curt wouldn't want to be on blood thinners for too long. THEN, (probably after our GP talked to the vascular surgeon) he informed us that the specialists likes to keep a person with this kind of a blood clot on blood thinners for awhile first to see if it will clear on it's own. Curt's particular reason for getting the clot is a possible bone structure problem. So far they think that his collar bone and first rib are too close together and pinching off the thoracic veins. I hope this is the right lingo. IF it is a bone anomaly, he will need the surgery to remove both the clot and one of the ribs anyways! SO! Here we sit. His shoulder and arm feel a little freakish but his blood levels are good now so he does not need to go in for extra injections at the hospital anymore but will just be on the oral blood thinners until further notice. He gets his blood levels checked once a week as well. Other than all that, he's feeling great. Thanks for asking. :) -j

It's not about healing....

I've had this post simmering in my "drafts" box for awhile and I know it's not really ready to be posted. There is *always* more to say and to learn and some topics work better as an ongoing conversation than a one sided blog entry... but here goes:

The topic of healing has been a hot one in our home for about 5 years. When Darren was first diagnosed with epilepsy we sought out people to pray for him. People we trusted. Other people offered to pray as well and we let them. I think it was through this time that I really started to learn something about people...and about God. We have had incredible, consistent family support through prayer and that has meant so much to us but we were also blindsided by comments made by people along the way in regards to prayer and healing. Maybe because the problem was epilepsy. It was too tempting for people to not mention the possibility of "demon possession". After all... epilepsy has always been a mysterious illness and was thought to be related to demon possession throughout history right? That fact is just too tantalizing to let go of. We had one pastors wife say right in front of Darren. "Well, epilepsy is RIGHT UP THERE with demon possession." Right up WHERE?! I was horrified and immediately regretted having her and her husband pray for Darren. An older uncle of mine called just this morning to regale me with "hilarious" stories of all the "epileptics" he's come in contact over the years and how HE just commanded the demons to come out. He even proudly told me of how he sat on one man during his seizure (to control him) and then advised me that a person should not lay hands on the "epileptic" (reads "demon possessed" to him) because the demon just may enter the person praying. I informed him that Darren's problem was not demon possession but a physical problem that was pin-pointed by MRI as lesions on his brain but he just ignored me and went on to his next story of the other "epileptics" he had encountered (and most likely offended) over the years....and how He alone had dealt with it and commanded the demon out. (Of course while not touching the person.) I made the valid excuse of being in the middle of homeschooling and got off the phone. Other people have mentioned that perhaps illness has come because of some hidden sin. (If Darren wasn't healed after they had prayed then it must be our fault. Some claimed that now that they had prayed, that healing was surely on it's way. (More than one.)...hmmm pride? Some have tried to "speak for God". Some have said that we just have to "claim the healing". What is that supposed to mean? These are the same people that like to "claim" everything else good in life while denouncing everything hard. (Good comes from God and Bad comes from the Devil right?) It's just not true. God does not guarantee us a "free ride" of ease and relaxation through life. ACTUALLY, He promises that we will be mistreated, misunderstood and will face hard times. And what I've found to be true is that hard times have brought me closer to Jesus. It has been the hard things that have defined and solidified my faith and revealed faith I never knew i had.



"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33



"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4: 8+9



Another thing I've found to be true is that God has used the difficult things in life to reveal to me who He really is. Over the course of the years, the topic has gone from "healing" to "what really *is* the character of God"... and now to "what should my attitude/perspective be in the light of illness." I have often described to Curt how when life has gotten especially stressful that i get a picture in my mind of staring into the eyes of God in silence. It has been a recurring picture ever since Darren was diagnosed 5 years ago...and then through Sadie's ordeal...and every little thing that wants to set me off into a ball of worry. The feeling that permeates that picture is the one you would get from catching the eyes of the one you love across a crowded room. In the moment your eyes meet, you both know what the other is thinking without talking. God seems to have been "silent" through all our ordeals... except for this picture. But that one image has been the biggest source of comfort to me. He knows the thoughts i can't express in words.

I have also found comfort in ignoring the voices (so called prophecy) of the multitude of people that feel like they are "hearing from God". Ignoring books, sermons, comments of those around me and really focusing in on the Bible alone as my source, and His comfort which is new every morning. I *know* my God, I recognize His voice. His "silence" isn't that he isn't speaking. It's that He is working out something in me that isn't about the words He is saying...It's not about the show, or the emotion... It's deeply personal and peaceful and a re-working of my idea of who He really is. I'm hearing Him... just not in words. I see his face, His eyes....and they are on me...and they are on you. -j

The Great Outdoors

Maybe I haven't been outside for awhile. Yesterday, when I took Wesley outside for a romp in the snow the other kids spied me and started running at me and cheering. "MOM IS OUTSIIIIIDE!" They said it like it was some kind of impossible miracle and my mother-heart twinged with guilt (as it is prone to do). I used to *live* outside with the kids building forts, catching frogs, making bows and arrows. I would even take them skidooing. Over the years it seems like I've become a bigger and bigger wimp....and (shudder) indoorsy. In that moment of cheering and guilt, i decided that I was going tobogganing with them. "Let's go sledding guys!" They cheered....and I wondered if i would regret my bravado. I was wearing Darren's camouflage overalls and his extra pair of boots which were clunky and too big for me but I started inching my way down the icy hill to get the toboggan, Wesley balanced on my bulky hip. "Having fun" requires a lot more work than it used to. "Mom, we don't toboggan on this little hill. You gotta walk to the BIG hill with us. Dad scraped it out with the bobcat!" "Oh, okay." It was getting hot and i laid Wes on a sled and pulled him behind me. After a short walk to the back field filled with snow and horse manure, we found ourselves at the top of a HUGE hill. Curt had scraped away a sliding hill that was wide with ridges on either side and wild bumps to start it off. I got nervous. "It's okay mom. I'll give you a push to start you off." says Darren. I should have known better than to agree to a 12 year old boy "starting me off". Especially considering that I am pregnant and holding a one yr old on my lap. Darren obviously didn't think of those things. Wes and I got on. The sled threatened to slide out from beneath me and Darren firmly placed his hands on my back and RAN as fast as he could, pushing. I begged him to quit. "That's good enough DARREN!" He gave one last mighty heave and Wesley and I were racing and spinning on a blue plastic disk down the hill. I screamed. So did Wes. The kids cheered. It seemed like an absolute moment of insanity. Twirling Alberta skies and snow and mother and child hurtling through the wind. The ride went on for about a 1/4 mile before my dragging boots finally brought us to a stop. It was in that moment i decided "I've got to do this more often." My second run was solo and i went completely off course careening onto my back and soliciting howling encouragement from the kids. Sadie's contagious laugh is too good to miss. I've decided to get out more... even in this Alberta winter, even with little ones that need a 10 minute bundle job each. There is something like good medicine that can only be found in spending time in the great outdoors and I need me a little more of that.

Why it's easier to teach the 6th child to do chores...

Monkey See---Monkey wanna DO TOO!!!

What to Expect When You're Expecting After 35-part 2

Got my weekly update from BabyCenter.com. I usually really like their reminders and weekly updates: "You are 9 weeks pregnant today... click here for an update on your (baby's) growth." (They don't use the word "baby" though---delusional. :) ) I didn't have a "part 2" for my "What to Expect" entry when i wrote that it was "part one" but my sister told me to call it "part one" as there was so much more to say. There *is* a lot to say, and i realize that this is maybe a re-do of the last entry, but it was my second nudge from the "medical community" in my 9 weeks of pregnancy to "beware" and a veiled suggestion that I may want to re-think this pregnancy. This is what you should expect if you are 35 and pregnant: An e-mail that begins with:

"Your pregnancy calendar
1 January, 2010:

Older women are more likely to have babies with chromosomal disorders such as Down's syndrome. That's why, if you're over 35, you may be offered an amniocentesis to check you baby's genes."

The message went on to insist that I ask for the booking soon so that I didn't miss out on these important tests before it is too late....too late to kill my child? Hmmm, from what I've read, they will terminate right up to the end for mothers who are desperate for the "service". What has motherhood come to when "To kill or not to kill..." has become the question.

"Dangerous Place"
--by Julie Miller--
Little ones to him belong,
Little ones, where have you gone?
Was it a war that stilled your voice?
No, it was your mother's choice.
Where was the doctor's healing hand
when children died across the land?
Was it in search of saving life?
No, death came from his knife.
It's a dangerous, dangerous, dangerous place,
Dangerous, dangerous place to be these days.
Now five months early you survive,
but 'til you're born, well, you're not alive,
Convenience has a sacrifice,
and children are the price.
It's a dangerous, dangerous, dangerous place,
A mother's womb is a dangerous place to be these days.
Little ones to him belong,
You are weak,
and we were wrong,
Now we will never hear your voice,
and it was our own choice.
Jesus loves me,
this I know
for the Bible tells me so,
Little ones to him belong,
They are weak but He is strong.