a year

It has been a year. 
Sadie has completed her 1 year of chemo for Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis and her ivad port has been removed. Scans show a 1.5mm thickening still left on her pituitary stalk which is most likely scar tissue.  She passed her growth hormone test this time around (by *one* point... but still...she passed!)  :))  So i am chalking that healing up to "miracle".  She will always take Vassopressin to replace the hormone that the lesion on her pituitary knocked out and that's inconvenient... but minimal.   
The year has been filled with other emotional upheaval. Hard days i never dreamt i would ever see... and yet, i have felt... and daily feel, God's hand in each one in our family as he leads and teaches and corrects. I see that no matter how heavy it gets, God is stronger still.  No matter how huge my need becomes, His provision will be over and above.  God is amazing to me this year.... like seriously... amazing. 
That's all. 

Week at a glance...

Sadie getting ready to plant the garden in while wearing her sundress and rubber boots. (It was cold and windy.) 

We invited Grampsie over this week to teach the kids how to make poplar whistles. They were a HUGE hit. 

Wesley Cleaned his room by using his hockey stick to shoot his clothes in the general direction of his dresser.  Then he gave up and just stacked it all on top announcing:  "NOW do you think Ellie will sleep with me?"

Sadie recieved a package from her great aunt containing this stunning ensemble.  She was greatly pleased.

Science was accomplished.

Whistles were blown.

Teeth were lost.

Edible "cells" were made.

Dress-up like big sister.

More whistle making in the garage.

Sleepy week

A few of the kids have had sore throats this week including Sadie. What a couple "Halls" fixed for the others, is taking 3-4 hour naps for Sadie. School and piano lessons are being passed over and hoping the fresh air during her "up" times will revive her tired little body some. Enlisted Gramps today to tutor my Darren in some math concepts as I get caught up in housework and feel the impending headache descending. The other kids have been enjoying the schizophrenic Alberta weather. Sunburns, snow, sprinklers and bathing suits, rain, toques, mud puddles and rubber boots and the first 2 mosquitoes of the season.... I can hear frogs in our ponds and it makes my heart race. Summer is coming.

Family

Just noticed something...

As I was headed to bed tonight, I noticed something I hadn't intentionally done with my decorations. The majority of the prints on my walls depict either snuggling, sleeping or quiet moments. Interesting...especially considering my naturally high-energy/stress personality. How did I not notice this before?!

Sleepy Saturday

40 days for life.

I had signed up a couple weeks ago... 

 This hour of prayer, not in the comfort of my home, but on the street.

A street that balances an abortion clinic on one side and a Christian-run crisis pregnancy counselling center on the other.  I was to be a little slice of obedience, pacing the sidewalk between them... praying.

The day before i was to go, my husband Curt decided to come with me and we asked Grampsie to watch the kids.  I picked Curt up at his work and we went into the city together. 

I remember watching a video last year that my sister had made of 40 days for life.  One question she asked... and the answer that was given, has never left me.  In the video, my sister pointed the camera at a little Catholic grandmother and asked the question "Why is prayer so important?"  The lady, without missing a beat, answered completely backward to what most people would say.  "Because Prayer is how God speaks to us."  (Don't we often think that prayer is how *we* speak to *God*?) I had to watch the video again and again.  It was an amazing answer.  Today, as we paced, that video played in my mind.  I walked, and instead of my own words pouring out as they often do... God spoke.  He spoke to me when, while walking away from Curt, our baby Eva, strapped to my back, called out "DADDY!  DADDY?"  I spoke gently to her.  "Eva, do you want Daddy?  Is he going to come?"  At that moment, an image of Jesus' face was impressed on me with the thought that the children being aborted across the street were His children.  He was their Daddy.  I prayed "Come Lord Jesus." 

 Later, Eva decided she wanted Curt to hold her so i undid the backpack and Curt took her out and walked on ahead with her.  I snapped the backpack up again and began walking in silence.  It was then that God spoke to me.  "You are a symbol of what goes on here."  I walked in silence with my empty backpack... no heat from Eva's tiny body... just cold, empty wind.  God wants me to see these children as my own as well... not just His.   

When we had first arrived at the clinic, there was an older man in his 60's praying the rosary as he walked the length of the sidewalk.  Every time we passed him, the words "Beautiful Catholic" flooded over me.  The faithfulness of Catholics in particular choosing to be associated with this issue has encouraged me so much over the years. I want my faithfulness to be Beautiful too. Tonight, during Bible study with the kids, we discussed the verse in Micah

Micah 6:8

New King James Version

⁸ He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the Lord require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God? 

So much to learn... Come Lord Jesus.  

 

Oh the places you go!

Over the last few years, there have been intense days where my mind wants to be anywhere but the present. Times when I know that my "fight or flight" reflex is kicking in...and I'm leaning way more on the "flight" side than the "fight" side. I imagine "running away" alone, getting in my car and just driving, I imagine running away as a family... (the image of packing all the pills and meds kind of ruins the daydream... But i go there anyways.) But sometimes, my mind just runs away on its own...wanders back in *time* to specific moments.
Tofino.
Wide stretches of empty, cool beach. Watching the kids running on ahead... Free.
Wooden swords and shields from the Coombs marketplace swinging wildly.
I remember that hike along the ocean cliffs and forest at "Beachy Head" with all the kids and grandparents and the smell of moss, ferns, arbutus and ocean spray...
I remember that long prairie walk as a family through the fields.
The smell of alfalfa.
The sound of combines and the "aplause" of the forest of poplar leaves along the open field. I remember moments as a child, sliding open my bedroom window to press my nose against the screen and smell the coming winter air and hear the chickadees sing that minor tune they sometimes sing. I remember moments as a teen diving into the okanagan water, deep, deep down. The further down, the cooler the water became and the better it felt when that wild summer sun would find me again at the surface. I remember the day i revisited the run-down farm of my grandparents, now long gone, and the sensation that came over me as I imagined it the way it was...juxtaposed against what it is now. That moment made time, heaven, death, and life all new again. Where does your mind go when it craves an escape? Have you saved any precious moments? Do you breathe life into them? Draw strength from them, so you have enough for what lies ahead?

Promises

The promise is greater than "new circumstance"...

Isaiah 40:31

31But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Waiting on the One who holds me together.... As a science lesson/second bible study today, we watched Louie Giglio's session "How Great is Our God". That, coupled with my reading of Werner Keller's book "The Bible as History - A Confirmation of the Book of Books", has been such an encouragement to me this week. I disconnected from Facebook for now as I've been feeling so discouraged and distracted and figured I needed to just pull back and focus again on the things I want so much to *be* my focus... "Forgetting what is behind"... I'm going to "press on"...and wait on the Lord as He shows me exactly *how* to wait. It's not my forte... To wait... But the promise Is worth the lesson in discipline.

In the image of God

Men go abroad to wonder at the height of mountains,
the huge waves of the sea,
the long course of rivers,
the vast compass of the ocean,
the circular motion of the stars...
But they pass by themselves
and don't even notice.
- Augustine -

Hiding in the shelter of His wings

Matthew 11:28
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”