Over the last few years, there have been intense days where my mind wants to be anywhere but the present. Times when I know that my "fight or flight" reflex is kicking in...and I'm leaning way more on the "flight" side than the "fight" side. I imagine "running away" alone, getting in my car and just driving, I imagine running away as a family... (the image of packing all the pills and meds kind of ruins the daydream... But i go there anyways.) But sometimes, my mind just runs away on its own...wanders back in *time* to specific moments.
Tofino.
Wide stretches of empty, cool beach. Watching the kids running on ahead... Free.
Wooden swords and shields from the Coombs marketplace swinging wildly.
I remember that hike along the ocean cliffs and forest at "Beachy Head" with all the kids and grandparents and the smell of moss, ferns, arbutus and ocean spray...
I remember that long prairie walk as a family through the fields.
The smell of alfalfa.
The sound of combines and the "aplause" of the forest of poplar leaves along the open field. I remember moments as a child, sliding open my bedroom window to press my nose against the screen and smell the coming winter air and hear the chickadees sing that minor tune they sometimes sing. I remember moments as a teen diving into the okanagan water, deep, deep down. The further down, the cooler the water became and the better it felt when that wild summer sun would find me again at the surface. I remember the day i revisited the run-down farm of my grandparents, now long gone, and the sensation that came over me as I imagined it the way it was...juxtaposed against what it is now. That moment made time, heaven, death, and life all new again. Where does your mind go when it craves an escape? Have you saved any precious moments? Do you breathe life into them? Draw strength from them, so you have enough for what lies ahead?
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3 comments:
Beautifully written, Jessie! Tofino is one of mine, too - and that summer cabin on the Shuswap - a bowl of cherries and the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Also the hot May day T dropped us off at Annabel lake near Jasper and i had a makeshift picnic and a fat, naked Uly delighting in the water and his sand throne:)...
When I come back to Canada after a long absence, I have moments where I feel I am seeing in slow motion, black & white, with a country music soundtrack playing in the back ground. There are always tears.
The smell in the air at the changing of the seasons...that always makes my heart ache. Driving through the prairies and seeing the beauty of the flat, the big sky, the golden colours.
An open highway or a train-track that stretches into the distance can make my heart beat faster and then, of course, there is the sea.
In any country, at any time of year. The sea. The rhythmic beat of the waves, that smell. It takes me places.
Love this post.
Lxxx
Thanks Jess. I so need this right this moment. I often go to your blog for uplifting. Today I watched the video that I made of our year last year. Every smile I saw, every memory I captured made me want to go right back into those moments and re live them. :)
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