perfectionism

I was going to comment along with the last blogs' entries about "guilt" but it started getting long. The root of that kind of guilt is really perfectionism isn't it!? When my mom first started talking about "perfectionism" about 10 years ago, my first thought was "Well that's for sure not me! Just look at my house and the way I dress. I'm definitely not perfect!" I thought perfectionism was an outward thing. Over the years I've learned that it's not about how things look from the outside but what is going on inside the head and heart that determines your level of perfectionism. If you do things well and it still doesn't feel like you did all you could have, should have, would have. If your child is doing his/her best and yet you feel the need to continue pushing...not teaching... pushing. If reality finds it almost impossible to meet your expectations... you are a perfectionist. For me it is most definitely about letting go of perfection not only for myself but for my kids. Whether it be my agonizing over Darren's epilepsy. hah! What will agony do but cause more agony and give him a complex. One of my children struggled with math, another with reading...should i feel like a failure over that? No! Those problems are resolving, but it's taken time. What if it wasn't getting any better? I know I sure didn't perform straight A's all the way through my schooling. How can I expect that from my children? And even if I was a straight A student. Does that mean that my children will be too? Goals are great. I was raised to believe they are necessary and I do have high aspirations for each of my children but when life throws a curve ball, I want to respond in a way that says to my kids "It's o.k....life will go on. It's not the end of the world and you don't have to beat yourself over every difficulty or seeming "failure". Especially as homeschooling moms I think we attach our children's successes and failures to ourselves. (I'll have to blog on this as well I think! hah!-so much to say!) So dangerous for both mother and child. My deepest desire after all isn't that my children would be geniuses, gorgeous, talented, fashionable... or even completely happy. My deepest desire for them is that they would know and LOVE their Heavenly Father and want to please Him... not me... or some horribly high standard they invent to beat themselves with. Life is too precious and short. But God's Grace is "fully sufficient". ;) -j