Beautiful Bonds

Lately I never know what the day will hold regardless of my plans. Yesterday i had planned to take all the kids in to Wesley's 2 week check-up. I got Darren to run out and start the vehicle and blast the heat as i packed Wesley in his carrier. The others loaded on their boots and coats and buckled in. We drove down the lane, Darren jumping out as we went to unlock the gates that keep the horses in. When Darren finished locking the last gate, he ran up to my window and yelled that the back tire was flat to the ground. I looked back and sure enough. On a good day i wouldn't have minded walking back with the 6 kids but in my still physically fragile state, the km or so walk back to the house through the horse pasture with freezing wind that knocked me over while carrying the baby and consolling the little ones, wind burning my throbbing eardrums... no thanks. I love my cell phone. I called my husband and asked him if i could drive back up the lane. No. He would come and get me. While I waited the 5-10 minutes (thank goodness) that it took him to drive home from work, I called the Dr. and re-scheduled the appt. and of course Wesley filled his pants. It seems as though every baby knows exactly which situation would be fun to punctuate with an explosion of the pants. It is days like that that make me feel like I will never be independent again. I will never be able to leave the house. I am tethered. (Ah but what beautiful bonds!!) My little Ellie looked at me with sympathy as i changed Wes in the front seat and commented, "You look like you're going to cry mom." Ha haa! I probably wasn't too far from the waterworks but didn't let the dam break. The rest of the day was rearranged to make room for my disastrous morning and the day ended as my sleepless night began. A HUNGRY little dictator begging for cream every hour. Later, at his appointment, we discovered that he has gone from his birth weight of 8lbs 15oz all the way to a whopping 10lbs 3 oz! Goodness! I haven't even written down his birth story and he's barely a newborn anymore! Time hasn't stood still for me to get used to this new phase. It is wildly marching on to the next moment, day, week... and month even. These bonds that hold me...these children do not slow time down, even though time seems to stop when I'm blindsided by the physicality of birth... in fact time seems to have sped up as these little ones have entered our lives... These little ones are part of the miracle that weaves us tightly together as we are hurtled through these years. Today as i stared at Robin rocking Wes...then later as the girls sang to him in the swing with synchronized actions, then as i talked with Ellie and folded laundry on the floor of my room and she snuggled her sleeping brother I just wanted to stop time. To hold that memory. The lack of sleep and the resulting fuzzy brain makes it almost impossible to remember 5 minutes from when it happened, let alone "forever"! For the moment, i'm going to rest in the knowledge that "Our times are in His hand". Years from now, when the brain in REALLY frazzled, i hope that He'll remind me of all the joys of the years I've spent living this life I've chosen and He's blessed. ...now what was i talking about? I have to read this over for the 400th time so I can gather my thoughts... time to quit.--j