Trading my Worries for Snuggles

I've found myself lately in a state of stunned silence. My children can ask a question a thousand times and here i sit, at the computer screen, e-mailing back and forth... thinking...digesting pain that I can't share with them. Not yet. "Just a sec Sadie. Mom's finishing this note... Carrie could you get Wesley for me?...and Robin, check auntie Steph's pie in the oven, tell me if it's done. Ellie, would you get me the phone? Darren, could you go somewhere else? mom's writing a private e-mail. If you want you can go watch TV"... My house is "shocking" but not because I've been snuggling children...It has been left to become a mess because I am too busy worrying. The last 4 lines struck me today. Maybe it's not just cleaning that can wait... maybe worry and sorrow can wait too... I'm feeling like a bad mama doing nothing but obsessing for days. Jesus, I lay this sorrow in your capable hands... I need to go hold a little person and be held back. Help me to only carry what you intend for me to carry....and to keep moving. -j

Song for a Fifth Child
by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.