wrinkle in time

Funny how only a few weeks ago every second was recorded, and painstakingly lived out as i awaited the arrival of this little one. I could tell you the day/month/ year/ time... what was going to happen that week and what had happened the week before. Suddenly... and I know the exact date that this changed...November 13th 2008 struck me down and all is forgotten. It's as though the black curtain has come down on the stage of life, all the props and other actors have sunken into complete darkness...there is no audience... and all that is left is a spotlight on me and this little one in an empty auditorium. My sister Paige wrote me an e-mail saying how it was so amazing counting up from 'one' again... day one of his life, day 2....etc. To be honest, I have forgotten how to count. All the things i hoped to write have gone unwritten as my brain takes time to sort out all the emotions and events during and since the birth of my son. I couldn't tell you how many days have passed since he was born without counting it up... and asking someone what day we're on today. The hours melt by and it's as though i've found my own wrinkle in time. Pajamas have no specific time of day in which to make their entrance or exit from the stage, sleep is a thing that is snatched in whatever hour is available, and the darkness of night invites repeated communion with this little one. We are sorrowing together, healing together, needing each other in this wrinkle in time we have found. Really, it is a miracle that life could move so slowly and peaceably with all the family, friends, children and schedules that bless and rule our everyday. I believe that it is *because* of these people though and not *despite* them that I am finding time. My mother came, giving me 2 weeks of complete surrender to the lives in this home, my husband continued with the routine with not a word of complaint, my children offer to help with whatever small chore is available to them, friends and family brought over baking, flowers, clothing for the baby, my sisters calling, e-mailing, visiting, telling me my child is beautiful and loved. From the birth I have said that I felt as though I had "come undone"... but these little stars of grace and mercy and kindness....so much more than i deserve.