Waiting...

Why is it that when I get to the end of the pregnancy, I feel like i shouldn't leave the house? There is a nagging thought... company is coming! I have to BE here! I have to be ready! What if this company shows up and I'm not here? Such strange thoughts when this little one has been living inside me for 40 weeks now. Really, he's been with me all that time! He won't be like normal company though!! He'll come naked, unprepared, needy, in need of a wash. He'll be blinking like a deer in the bright hospital light, shocked by his new reality. There are different ways people seem to "nest" as they wait for baby. Some bake, some clean, some buy... some do all of the above...one mother i know confessed that her obsession over having her legs shaved for the birth was a huge worry! Now that's prepared! :) For all my preparedness, he won't be needing my 50 cups of pulverized tomatoes, lasagnas, pies, buns, casseroles, clean house and updated home school. I've seen the baby shows where the parents go all out and buy thousands of dollars worth of furniture, clothes, things for the babies' arrival. When they finally bring the baby home they "show" the baby all these things proclaiming "Seeee? We did all this for YOU!" The camera focuses on a squashed, blushing little face fast asleep in the car seat, oblivious to his surroundings. Not much of this nesting will do us too much good though besides letting us feel like we are doing something. This little man will not quietly go to his room with the guest towels and sleep through the night! Nor will he care about the decor/toys of his new room. All he needs, all he wants will be found in the people that live in this home...this family. This little bundle of humanity will arrive, change us forever, and suddenly peel another layer of selfishness off of all of us. How does one prepare for sleep deprivation, pain, company showing up when all the afore-mentioned foods did not make it out of the freezer for dinner, the pyjamas did not come off all day, and you are on the verge of tears from baby blues. You can't "nest" for that. No matter what i do to 'prepare' for this little one, I know i'll not be ready. This little one will surprise us, break us again and challenge me *again* to be a good mother. How can you prepare to be changed again forever? There is no turning back. This birth represents another commitment to my husband. Another commitment to this family. Another sacred commitment to God to bring this child up to know, love and serve his Heavenly Father. When it all is stripped away, when the food is all eaten, the house is all messy again, the furniture is scribbled on, the toys are sent to Goodwill, the clothes are all outgrown, the only preparation that will last is preparing my heart to recognize that this little one isn't just my own. He belongs to God. Am i prepared to lead him into the loving arms of his Heavenly Father? Jesus, help me to be the mother You see in me. Give me the tools I need to do the job you have blessed me with. Thank you for this new life. I place him, with the rest of my children, my husband and the details of my everyday in your steady, loving hand.