Stalking a Surprise

Like a plump snail, recoiling into her shell, I'm feeling the need to hide away a little bit as i continue to wait for the arrival of this little one. *My* due dates have come and gone--I didn't really have much faith in them anyways with the ultrasound date being seventeen days later!--and yet there is no panic in the extra waiting. I keep putting off scheduling school for this fall and maybe that's whats keeping me calm. In the back of my mind there is a totally delusional thought that this baby is going to wait until i have every little job completed, every item packed for the hospital and every detail worked out before she arrives. I don't necessarily want to be "ready". I am crazily *hoping* and looking forward to be taken by surprise. I'm sure this insanity stems from having had 4 previous inductions and knowing the birth date before the baby. But this little one is holding onto the "birthday controls" and i am at her mercy. I can bounce on my yoga ball and drink raspberry leaf tea all night, but she is the one who gets to say "go!" Makes me feel like i really have to concentrate hard. I want to notice the first contraction that signals the string of pains that will finally bring her out into the world. I don't feel the need to plan each day full of distractions. Instead i feel like there is only one thing to focus on. Eva. My baby girl is coming home to all of us. soon. So exciting to stalk a surprise.