I've had this post simmering in my "drafts" box for awhile and I know it's not really ready to be posted. There is *always* more to say and to learn and some topics work better as an ongoing conversation than a one sided blog entry... but here goes:
The topic of healing has been a hot one in our home for about 5 years. When Darren was first diagnosed with epilepsy we sought out people to pray for him. People we trusted. Other people offered to pray as well and we let them. I think it was through this time that I really started to learn something about people...and about God. We have had incredible, consistent family support through prayer and that has meant so much to us but we were also blindsided by comments made by people along the way in regards to prayer and healing. Maybe because the problem was epilepsy. It was too tempting for people to not mention the possibility of "demon possession". After all... epilepsy has always been a mysterious illness and was thought to be related to demon possession throughout history right? That fact is just too tantalizing to let go of. We had one pastors wife say right in front of Darren. "Well, epilepsy is RIGHT UP THERE with demon possession." Right up WHERE?! I was horrified and immediately regretted having her and her husband pray for Darren. An older uncle of mine called just this morning to regale me with "hilarious" stories of all the "epileptics" he's come in contact over the years and how HE just commanded the demons to come out. He even proudly told me of how he sat on one man during his seizure (to control him) and then advised me that a person should not lay hands on the "epileptic" (reads "demon possessed" to him) because the demon just may enter the person praying. I informed him that Darren's problem was not demon possession but a physical problem that was pin-pointed by MRI as lesions on his brain but he just ignored me and went on to his next story of the other "epileptics" he had encountered (and most likely offended) over the years....and how He alone had dealt with it and commanded the demon out. (Of course while not touching the person.) I made the valid excuse of being in the middle of homeschooling and got off the phone. Other people have mentioned that perhaps illness has come because of some hidden sin. (If Darren wasn't healed after they had prayed then it must be our fault. Some claimed that now that they had prayed, that healing was surely on it's way. (More than one.)...hmmm pride? Some have tried to "speak for God". Some have said that we just have to "claim the healing". What is that supposed to mean? These are the same people that like to "claim" everything else good in life while denouncing everything hard. (Good comes from God and Bad comes from the Devil right?) It's just not true. God does not guarantee us a "free ride" of ease and relaxation through life. ACTUALLY, He promises that we will be mistreated, misunderstood and will face hard times. And what I've found to be true is that hard times have brought me closer to Jesus. It has been the hard things that have defined and solidified my faith and revealed faith I never knew i had.
"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4: 8+9
Another thing I've found to be true is that God has used the difficult things in life to reveal to me who He really is. Over the course of the years, the topic has gone from "healing" to "what really *is* the character of God"... and now to "what should my attitude/perspective be in the light of illness." I have often described to Curt how when life has gotten especially stressful that i get a picture in my mind of staring into the eyes of God in silence. It has been a recurring picture ever since Darren was diagnosed 5 years ago...and then through Sadie's ordeal...and every little thing that wants to set me off into a ball of worry. The feeling that permeates that picture is the one you would get from catching the eyes of the one you love across a crowded room. In the moment your eyes meet, you both know what the other is thinking without talking. God seems to have been "silent" through all our ordeals... except for this picture. But that one image has been the biggest source of comfort to me. He knows the thoughts i can't express in words.
I have also found comfort in ignoring the voices (so called prophecy) of the multitude of people that feel like they are "hearing from God". Ignoring books, sermons, comments of those around me and really focusing in on the Bible alone as my source, and His comfort which is new every morning. I *know* my God, I recognize His voice. His "silence" isn't that he isn't speaking. It's that He is working out something in me that isn't about the words He is saying...It's not about the show, or the emotion... It's deeply personal and peaceful and a re-working of my idea of who He really is. I'm hearing Him... just not in words. I see his face, His eyes....and they are on me...and they are on you. -j
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11 comments:
mmmm - you touch on something i *get* jess. i think a lot of people feel this way about babyloss too... i love this post. & you.
Jess, you are beautiful both inside and out. Your blogs are so insightful and I love reading your thoughts. Curt and your kids and so fortunate to have you for their wife/mother.
When I read this, I was just "hoping" that my Dad hadn't been the insensitive "older uncle" with the epileptic advice!!
I find the whole topic of healing very hard... some won't go to the doctor or take prescription meds because they believe they will be healed. Others have faith to pray for a hospital bed to have surgery but won't pray for their gallstones (or whatever) to be healed so they don't need the surgery at all.
And then there are the folk who continue to pray for healing for people when they are lying on their death beds in pallative care which seems rather like being in denial about what is really going to happen. Or don't tell others of their wishes or make arrangements for their memorial service because they believe that at the last possible moment they will be raised up and made whole.
I know God is there and he can heal people but I don't know why some are and some aren't. And then there are the ones who have cancer (or whatever other illness) and claim that they have been healed and then a few months later whatever the problem is, is back with a vengeance. Were they healed and then lost the healing? Or were they premature in claiming they were healed in the first place?
Lots to ponder! And very few concrete answers!
Saskatchewan Cousin
no, cousin, it wasn't your dad. :) A little more distant relative. You raise so many points and each one deserves it's own afternoon of conversation doesn't it! There *is* so much value in struggling through each question though. When we come to the end of it all, we're left with what we *do* know for sure. It's the thing i keep coming back to. I *know* God exists,
I *know* He's good,
and I *know* He loves *us*...and now that leads me to yet another blog post. hmmm. It's good to encourage each other with the things that have been proven to be true, and good, and trustworthy. The Bible says to "think on these things" and it's good advice isn't it! -j
It is marvellous how often the story of Job helps me! When Job's "comforters" insisted that the problem was some sin in Job's life...and Job said, "No...It is God doing this to me through NO FAULT OF MY OWN!"
His "friends" were offended "because he justified himself rather than God." But God TOTALLY VINDICATED Job and reprimanded the "comforters" saying, "ye have not spoken of me the thing which is right, like my servant Job."
Also, Job said to his wife, "What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?" (and the Bible states)"In all this did not Job sin with his lips."
So I say, "It is Father's doing and it is marvellous in my eyes." He does all things well and even if it seems difficult and hard, there is a purpose in it....which may or may not be evident to us all...
I'm sorry you were hurt by Unc. He is very outspoken and often (as in this case) WRONG.
mama
yes Job. :) The extended conversation back and forth between Job and God in the book of Job astounds me more than the conversation back and forth between him and his family and friends. So much comfort to be found... and respect for the workings of God in our lives for our good despite how ugly it may look on the outside. -j
When I was having a lot of problems in my body, a "friend" told me that it was a result of sin in my life. Fortunately I know my Bible...why don't people remember when Jesus said that the man born blind had not been born that way because of sin. We live in a fallen world. We get sick, and we die. But we know that the righteous will never be forsaken. Our Redeemer LIVES!
I am sorry that hard times have come, and rejoice that our God is so faithful to meet you!
My favorite part Jess below...So true for me too:)
ACTUALLY, He promises that we will be mistreated, misunderstood and will face hard times. And what I've found to be true is that hard times have brought me closer to Jesus.
Thanks for the post, Jess. That last paragraph especially touched me as I have, for over a decade, avoided sermons & books etc, choosing only the Bible because it's the only Word I can trust. Thanks for articulating what I have not been able to. Hugs,
Vivian
On the topic of healing.... what has happened with Curt? Did his medical issues resolve or is he needing surgery for the clot? Never heard an update! Just curious how things are now.
Saskatchewan Cousin
beautiful, jess.
good for you for not just hanging up! LOL!
You're right, hard times bring us closer to God, in the instinctive, blind, trusting way.
I feel like my theology has taken a hit over the last few years, but my faith in Him has only grown deeper. I know HE is good, and that He is the source of all I need. but i'm a lot slower to try to figure Him out to a T.
you've had a lot of trusting to do with all these health things coming up and you are an inspiration. I probably don't say it enough since i think oh, you're my sister, you know what i'm thinking :) - but i really admire your spirit and integrity and honesty and faith.
much love
stephanie
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