What i need most, sleep, my mind won't allow.
I want to carry it...
the disease
the poison (that is the cure)
her suffering...
but
this burden won't lift.
It wants *her*.
She's 5...
She buries her face in the barn kittens and gives them names: "Isabella" and "Sara".
She sets out the dishes and mini tea-pot to have tea parties with her 2 year old brother.
She sneaks out of her bed at night and cuddles into bed with her 8 year old sister Ellie.
She rolls and rolls like a sea otter in the hot tub in nothing but her Dora undies.
She tells Curt "When I grow up, I'm gonna marry you Dad!"
She looks up at me when we go for a walk and squeezes my hand 3 times which means "I love you"... and then quickly tells me "But I love Jesus more!...Is that okay?"
She told me her favourite things about the hospital were "jell-o" and "snuggling in bed with you mom".
She's 5.
It's too heavy for her.
I want to take it from her...
But the burden begins...
and i am helpless.
The chemo flows through *her* tiny veins...
not mine...
no matter how willing i am to take it in.
She's only 5.
7 comments:
:(
Now you know the heart of God. He did that, put Himself in the place of you, and of Sadie. You know the why of what He did.
Further: Saul thought he was persecuting Christians, but when Jesus stopped him in the road, Jesus said, "Why are you persecuting ME?" When He sees our pain, He sees Himself in pain. He is taking the chemo shot. He is holding his Sadie as her body absorbs it. He knows and is VITALLY involved, not far off.
What He is doing in your lives is deepening our faith here. I pray, and I sense this is bigger than we know. It has broken me. I'm shattered and impotent in the face of this. My only hope is in Him. He's in the pain, He has a plan, He's always successful.
I love you.
Sadness... J, I know you are not sleeping,and I worry about you.... I'm praying for peace and rest for you. I love you- and I'm standing here far off wishing I could carryfor *you*...
it will get better.
Praying for sleep for you.
Let your body and mind rest for just a little bit.
Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
There is only so much we mere mortals can take without respite. Lx
Our mama instinct is to take away and carry our children's sufferings and pain. It is so terribly hard that we can't. I love what Crys said... great words to think about. I pray for sleep for you my friend. For rest and and peace.
With Love,
Stephanie
I found this little poem ('cause I think you like such word pictures :). Let's imagine what must be true -that Jesus has something to do with such sweet reprieve... Come...and I will give you rest....*Not so that you would forget, so much as that you would have strength and faith of heart to forge ahead when daylight and little voices call.*
SLEEP
Sir Philip Sidney
Come, Sleep; O Sleep! the certain knot of peace.
The baiting-place of wit, the balm of woe,
The poor man's wealth, the prisoner's release,
Th' indifferent judge between the high and low;
With shield of proof shield me from out the prease
Of those fierce darts Despair at me doth throw:
O make in me those civil wars to cease;
I will good tribute pay, if thou do so.
Take thou of me smooth pillows, sweetest bed,
A chamber deaf to noise and blind of light,
A rosy garland and a weary head;
And if these things, as being thine by right,
Move not thy heavy grace, thou shalt in me,
Livelier than elsewhere, Stella's image see.
Sweet dreams. xo
I'm with p - a sorrow divided, if only we could all grab a corner and get rid of it, like praying gum out of hair one olive oil- soaked strand at a time...
This post made me cry. I am praying for you. *Jesus please let this dear mama feel your peace sinking deeply into her heart.....let it saturate her body so that she finds rest.*
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